Child Abuse in the Church: Justice Can Be Grace

Since I linked over to it in today’s post on my personal blog, I thought I would share this post with you too:

Child Abuse in the Church: Justice Can Be Grace

Not only is this an extraordinarily important topic because of our duty to protect our children to the best of our abilities, it is also one of the “most prone to destroy/divide a church” topics.

Oh. And if you think that your church doesn’t have men and boys (and increasingly women) habitually viewing p*rn and reading er*tica? If you think “that will never happen in MY church!” If you don’t think that abusers intentionally prey on churches? Then truly: it is particularly important that you read this article.

For the glory of God and the service of His Bride—

Your sister in Christ,
Tara B.

How to Preserve Your Pastor (Part 5): Failure to Understand Basic Business and Finance Issues

This is Part 5 of a seven part series interacting with Dr. Thom Rainer’s research reported in his article The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors. Today’s focus is on the problems of the church being in the world—specifically, that a pastor is to be wise about worldly matters (business and finance, etc.) but cannot be consumed by such. His call is to be the spiritual leader and model, an example of holiness in the midst of a culture obsessed with the concerns of the material and visible. But, as Scripture warns, pastors are sent out “like sheep among wolves,” therefore, they must be “as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16).

Since a pastor must be one who maintains credibility with his fellow church leaders and all church members, he should be generally aware of how basic business interests will affect the running of the church. He should also be able to ask the best questions about the budget and financial dealings of the church because this reflects the stewardship commitment needed to manage the affairs of the church in a God-glorifying manner. The Bible speaks about money repeatedly and if the church and its leaders aren’t appropriately and consistently dealing with the resources of God’s people entrusted to the church in a way that the Scriptures direct an individual member to handle their own finances, the message of wise biblical stewardship is compromised. Many members of the church live day to day earning a living as experts in business and finance so if they are not careful, such people will use that worldly expertise to dominate the church’s agenda. The pastor and other church leaders must help such people recognize that the church is not a business but a holy endeavor focused on a heavenly agenda (not on a worldly one) even though the church exists in the culture of the world.

The senior pastor I first served when called as an elder and then as a pastoral staff member was very wise in business and finance. Before attending seminary and entering the ministry he had been a CPA and very successful partner of a large accounting firm. He held a graduate degree in finance from a prestigious Ivy League school. But he wisely knew how to practice restraint as our pastor, our spiritual leader. He knew his role was not to be the one who knew more than anyone else about such matters and he would defer to lay elders and other staff members encouraging them to exercise their gifts of leadership in these areas. He knew more about budgets and business than almost anyone … yet he invited others to handle these matters. In many churches, the concerns of members over how their tithes and offerings are being used trumps concerns for spiritual growth so it behooves the pastor to not become embroiled in such matters so he can focus on the eternal.

At the same time, pastors need to be conversant in and relatively educated about financial and business matters. Without even a basic understanding of such administrative matters, pastors will find themselves agreeing with the regret one pastor made in Dr. Ranier’s article:

“I really felt stupid in so many of the discussions about budget or other church business issues.”

No pastor should feel stupid in the pastorate, but this may happen if members and lay leaders expect him to be an expert in every area of life. Wise pastors admit where they lack knowledge or experience and they are quick to draw on the gifts of others to fulfill the needs of the church. And wise congregations and lay-leaders appreciate the gifts of their pastors while intentionally working to undergird him in areas that are not as strong. Only pride prevents the humble willingness to accept help. We must all remember the principle set forth in Ephesians 4:11-13:

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ (emphasis added).

We all have different roles to play in the church. If you are a person gifted in business and financial matters, then please serve your church and pastor by being willing to assist in this area of the life of the church. Help your pastor understand such matters so he can be wise but not consumed by such things. Pastors? Be shrewd, but don’t put expectations on yourself that are inconsistent with biblical revelation. When you accepted your pastorate, you listened to God’s call to shepherd you sheep. Do not try to be the accountant, financial advisor, or business expert too.

And every church member? Please: do not allow criticism of your pastor to undermine his spiritual role among you—especially criticism because he doesn’t have vast business or financial expertise. Don’t criticize him—help him. When we all use our gifts in our appropriate roles, we will build up the body of Christ on earth. His church will become more complete and whole and we will reach unity and become mature in Christ, our Head.

In the Lamb,
Dave Edling

One Reason Why Your Church is Losing Its Youth: Look at How (Gracelessly!) You Treat One Another

Just as I was posting Dave’s most recent article on “preserving your pastor,” my friend Melodee posted a link to this article on Facebook and I was struck by how much the two overlapped:

Reaching Our Young People

The article makes many excellent points about why young people “de-church in droves” (60 to 85 percent of our youth leave the church once they are 18 years old) and why even those who remain in church have “serious doubts about what the Bible says about Jesus.”

But the quote that struck me the hardest was from a pastor’s son. Listen to the echoes of (the opposite of!) John 17:20-23 (what Francis Schaeffer called “the final apologetic”) in what this young man reports about relationships in the church. Is our unity  showing the world that the Father sent the Son and that the Father loves them? Far from it!

“Beginning around the age of eleven, Matt writes, “I would read about Jesus, and how he treated people, then I’d look at Christians, and the two just didn’t match up.” Matt goes on to say: “Sometimes we’d go by the church to surprise my dad in the middle of a work day, and there’d be someone in his office yelling at him for changing the carpet, or not using the choir robes. We would receive threatening anonymous letters at our house . . . certain church members would interrupt the service to call meetings. They wanted to edit sermon content. They hated the music. They controlled the finances. They cursed. They slandered. They schemed.”

Not wanting to “end up looking like those people,” Matt said “[he] washed [his] hands of the church.” And who can blame him?

Oh. Oh. Oh. Rev. Dr. Philip Ryken was right:

“The Devil has many other plans for running your church, all of them equally insidious. He wants you to get so distracted by internal disputes that you hardly have time to go out and meet people with the Gospel.”

May it STOP being so. Please, God, please cause us to stop being so duplicitous and sinful in our relationships in the church. Please help us to preserve our pastors and redeem our conflicts for your glory—confessing, confronting, forgiving one another “just as in Christ we have been forgiven” (Col. 3:13).

And may our youth see authentic faith in and dependence on Christ alone! May we actually live as the Church. One family. One body. With One Head. Loving one another so that we will show ourselves to be disciples of Jesus (John 13:35).

SDG,
Tara B.

How to Preserve Your Pastor (Part 4): Family Time

[This is part 4 of a seven part series on How to Preserve Your Pastor. I have organized this series around Dr. Tom Ranier’s article: The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors, in which he interviews 22 seasoned pastors. The top regret of pastors has to do with the lack of practical training for local church ministry which I blogged about in Part 1 of this series. Part 2 addressed how some pastors are overly concerned about critics. I was most surprised by the third finding (regret over failure to exercise faith when in ministry) and I wrote about that in Part 3.]

The next regret on Dr. Thom Rainer’s list of The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors is not surprising at all:

At the end of their ministries many pastors regret not spending enough time with their families.

Despite the apostle Paul’s counsel that men should remain unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:8) and that those who marry will face many troubles in this life (1 Corinthians 7:28b), the fact is most pastors in the evangelical tradition are married men. Marriage, of course, carries with it many responsibilities and obligations, including the duty to raise children who fear and love the Lord. We all know that takes time … lots of self-sacrificing, quality, relationship-building time. One pastor in response to Dr. Rainer’s interview question stated:

“It hurts me to say this, but one of my adult sons is still in rebellion, and I know it is a direct result of my neglect of him when he was young.”

Many church members believe pastors have lots of private time on their hands because most people see them only once or twice a week. The reality is—and I speak from experience having served nearly eight years on the pastoral staff of a mid-sized church—pastors have very little usable family time because they have to be available to church members when those members are free from work, school, or other family obligations. That means a pastor’s evenings and weekends are almost always spent not with their own families but the members of God’s family: the church family needing nurture and care. My own experience was, on average, to be out visiting and counseling with church members or participating in a church meeting of one kind or another on average five nights a week and engaged most Saturdays and Sunday afternoons with church members and their needs and activities. That meant that when my wife and children were free from their own work and schooling on weekends, I was usually never there.

Most pastors take one day a week as their “day off.” That day is almost never a Saturday or Sunday, of course. It is usually a Monday or Thursday or some other weekday when the members of the church are engaged in their work, school, and demands of living in our modern culture. Those days can be very lonely for a pastor even though “free.” The pastor’s wife may need to be at her own job and the children at school. This is not usable family time. On my free day I was typically trying to catch up with household chores and theological reading. My wife was at work and both children in Christian school. Most pastors may experience a slightly different pattern but the basic problem remains…lack of usable family time to build and sustain the kinds of relationships that God calls all married people to.

Here is the real catch:

The most important and memorable ministry you will ever have, pastor, will be how you model your own marriage and parenting commitment to the members of your church.

It is not going to be your sermons or Sunday school lessons or even your pastoral counsel that will, in the long run, be what is remembered. (I once read a study that indicated that 80% of church members could not remember by Wednesday the main theme of Sunday’s sermon message!) Those substantive elements of ministry are very important and greatly needed, but what will be remembered is your character as a role model. How did you transparently live your life among God’s sheep as a model and example (see 1 Peter 5:2-3)? Our son tells a very touching and telling story about his church experience as a teenager. Our church’s youth pastor, a godly and gentle man named Mark, put a lot of effort into the youth ministry of our church. He was married with three young children. This is what our now 42-year old son tells me about the influence of his youth pastor:

“Dad, I remember going to many youth ministry meetings and events at our church when growing up, but what I really remember even at age 16 was thinking that even though we have lots of great Bible studies and lessons and activities, what I want when I grow up is a marriage like that of Pastor Mark’s. I want the relationship with my future wife and family to be what he has with his wife and kids. I remember very little of what was taught in any specific lesson or even what I did on youth getaways, but I remember what Mark modeled to me about marriage and having children.”

Do you think that pastor had a meaningful impact on the life of our son? That, in my book, is real pastoral impact!

What can we do as church members to help our pastors avoid any regrets over a lack of usable family time, and thus, be godly role models for us and our children? How can we encourage our leaders to live as God’s holy creatures, prioritizing the important over the urgent, even in these quickly passing days?

First, pay your pastor a salary that allows his wife the freedom to choose to work in the home if that is their preference. She should not need to bring in an extra paycheck through work in the marketplace.

Second, ask your pastor to become the “model” husband and father by engaging with his family in an intentional and time-honoring manner so that all of the relational lessons and dynamics he experiences can be shared and applied with members of the church. That means freeing the pastor from attendance at many evening church meetings that can be led by lay elders and deacons he has trained and equipped (see Ephesians 4:11-13).  Similarly, equip lay elders and other spiritually mature church members to do the work of pastoral care and counsel so that no leader is consistently required to be gone from his family more than two evenings per week.

Third, live out the very principles you are encouraging in your pastor’s life and family. Prioritize your family time and use that base of security and love to invest in intimate and redemptive friendships and relationships. As we do that, we will understand even more deeply the importance of encouraging such things in the lives of our pastors.

And, finally, free your pastor for the most important work of ministry by eliminating “busy work.” If there is something on his schedule that someone else could be doing—another leader, a paid staff member, a wise and trusted volunteer—get it off your pastor’s schedule. Don’t burn him out! Bless him and serve him and help him to lead you (and his family) well.

As our pastors minister well to their own families, they will model and minister well to their sheep. This reflects God’s ideal: lives lived in balance, growing in happiness and holiness. We may never actually achieve this model in our lifetimes! But it is a worthy goal and we should seek it together, day by day, as we walk together as God’s family united in Christ.

On behalf of burned-out pastors everywhere,
Dave Edling

PS
Tara here—Just a quick note to let you know that I was quite surprised when I read Dave’s account of his time when he was serving full-time as a pastor because by the time we met and worked together on staff at Peacemaker Ministries, Dave had very different convictions and patterns regarding his family time. In fact, his wise and appropriate prioritizing of his family time (often by saying something to me like, “Tara? There is always more ministry to do. Go home. This will be here in the morning.”) really had a big impact on Fred’s and my life, especially now that we have small children. Even today, 10+ years later, Fred and I will reach the end of a busy day and try to capture Dave’s voice and parrot him to one another saying, “Stop. Go home. There is always more ministry to do. This will be here in the morning.” So I guess Dave listened to his own counsel and changed his behavior so that he lived a more balanced life! And he has definitely helped us to do so too.

How to Preserve Your Pastor (Part 3): Failure to Exercise Faith

This is part 3 of a seven part series on How to Preserve Your Pastor. I have organized this series around Dr. Tom Ranier’s excellent article: The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors. The top regret of pastors has to do with the lack of practical training for local church ministry which I blogged about here in part 1 of this series. Part 2 addressed how some pastors are overly concerned about their critics. And today I address the most surprising finding among Dr. Thom Rainer’s list of The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors:

Failure to exercise faith. The pastoral quote that accompanies this finding is this: “At some point in my ministry, I started playing defense and let the status quo become my way of doing church. I was fearful of taking steps of faith, and my leadership and churches suffered as a result. Not only was I too cautious in the churches I served, I was too cautious in my own ministry. I really felt God called me to plant a church at one point, but was just too fearful to take that step.”

This quote captures what many pastors have experienced: the comfort of the status quo becoming a barrier to the exercise of a bold faith; living by sight and not but faith which is, admittedly, frightfully the call to live by the unseen:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  This is what the ancients were commended for. Hebrews 11:1-2

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

It is pretty clear from these biblical propositions that what living by faith really means is to develop mastery over the visible, over the temporary; to set what we experience day in and day out as we make our pilgrimage through this temporal life into the realm of the unseen, the reality of a living faith.

How can we help our pastors do that? We of the church should most desperately desire that our shepherds above all conquer the visible realm so they can be our models of faith living, our examples who can then lead us into our own mastery over the tyranny of the visible urgent. You and I both know that what we strive for is comfort within this world without really thinking about the consequences of what that goal has on our spiritual walk. Our eternal life or death hangs on the knife edge of the decisions we make as we daily chose to live by sight or by faith. Not because we have doubt concerning the finished work of Jesus on the cross for the sake of our salvation or the sincerity of our belief, but because such decisions either reflect or not the true condition of our belief, the true state of our hearts toward what we say we believe versus the fruit that we actually produce.

If we don’t have shepherd-leaders modeling the fruit of the spirit and showing the way for each of us we then have little hope of becoming those who “are in the world but not of it.” Jesus prayed for us and particularly for our shepherds:

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. John 17:15-17

Our pastors face great danger of falling into the hands of the evil one and becoming false prophets; those who become content with the status quo of simply “doing church” as usual. And this fall doesn’t have to be one of anything more than what the pastor above spoke of: fearful of taking steps of faith. Jesus warns of that dynamic at Matthew 7:15 through 20. If we who follow pastors don’t become ones who constantly encourage them to show us a different way, to show us real faith living and simply allow them to fall into the trap of seeking life and doing church to merely maintain “the status quo” then we will have fallen under the powers of the evil one. That One’s deception through the temptation of what is seen is all we need succumb to in order to become those who no longer live by faith.

We should most love and cherish our pastors when they make us feel uncomfortable in this world since we know it isn’t our home. We should most admire our pastors when they challenge our worldly goals: the quest for money, fame, success in the eyes of the world; children who “win” but don’t learn compassion for others; passionless comfort that leads to accepting compromise in the church by failing to practice what God calls acceptable religion:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Can we challenge our pastors to be men who live “other-worldly lives” so they are freed to lead us into uncommon lives of those who are looking for a better country, people who freely admit that we are aliens and strangers on earth? I pray so because otherwise our testimony is merely that this world is our home, living as though we will inhabit it forever. That is the lie the evil one would love for us, the church, to believe.

And they admitted they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had the opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country— a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:13-16

We serve our men of faith, our pastors, when we don’t help them think all we want is the status quo in our churches. And by serving them in this way we also serve ourselves. We tell them we are ready to follow because we know our call, too, is not to live but what is seen but by what is unseen. As we each demonstrate to our pastor though how we walk in this world we show that he need not fear the temptation to simply make us feel comfortable. We, too, desire to build the church as it continually changes to challenge the culture that is seeking to take captive all men through the deceitful message that this world is all there is.

In the Lamb,
Dave Edling

How to Preserve Your Pastor (Part 2)—Pastoral Over-Concern about Critics: The Relationship Between “Fear of Man” and the Failure of Accountability

This is part 2 of a seven part series on How to Preserve Your Pastor. I have organized this series around Dr. Tom Ranier’s excellent article: The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors. The top regret of pastors has to do with the lack of practical training for local church ministry which I blogged about here in part 1 of this series.

Dr. Ranier’s second regret has to do with pastors being overly concerned about critics. He quotes a pastor as stating:

“I had this naïve view that a bunch of Christians in a church would always show love toward each other. Boy was I wrong! There are some mean church members out there. My regret is that I spent way too much time and emotional energy dealing with the critics. I think of the hundreds of hours I lost focusing on critics, and it grieves me to this day.”

Pastors, just like the rest of us, want to be liked. They desire meaningful friendships and frequently go out of their way to demonstrate hospitality to church members. They also want the admiration of the members of their church because they know the grace-filled message of God’s Word will be more readily accepted if the messenger is appreciated for both his biblical knowledge and consistent Christian character and gentle witness. Most pastors seek to avoid conflict with church members believing that such encounters may severely undermine the role they have been called to play in the lives of those they lead in the church. Not only that, they know that if enough members band together against them they will likely lose their ministry position.

In response to these relational pressures, some pastors give in to a serious sin:

Rather than confronting church members about their sinful attitudes, words, and actions, some pastors allow their (natural, human) desire to be accepted as admired friends to trump their God-given responsibility to hold their members accountable for sin.

The Bible describes this heart motivation as the fear of man (Prov. 29:25). Rather than fearing God preeminently and living for God’s approval, people who are controlled by the fear of man fear people and live for the approval and respect of people. Among pastors, this too often leads to the second most frequently mentioned regret in Dr. Ranier’s article:

Some pastors are overly concerned about their critics.

Fear of Man Idolatry
In my experience, the idol most worshipped by pastors (tying making an idol of controlling people and situations) is the idol of the fear of man. Even though the Scriptures warn us all to avoid the fear of man, the fact remains that pastors—like all of us—often elevate the desire to be admired and loved by fellow creatures above the desire to serve, obey, and fear The Creator first and foremost:

Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults. Isaiah 51:7

And

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe. Proverbs 29:25

An idol is anything one places ahead of a singular devotion and commitment to God. The desire to be accepted, admired, respected, cherished, and loved by those who look up to a man as their pastor is an extremely powerful  idolatrous force in the lives of the men we call to preach God’s Word to us. Unless we, the members of God’s church, recognize the power of this desire both in our own lives and the lives of our pastors, we will be the ones most guilty of contributing to this great regret that any minister will eventually face.

How can you ensure your pastor will be spared the detrimental effects of this disastrous dynamic?

Biblical Accountability
The antidote for pastors being overly concerned about their critics is to free both the pastor and the church’s members from the fear of man idol through the firm and consistent practice of impartial, redemptive church discipline. Bad behavior is never acceptable behavior in the church (or anywhere!) and the remedy is unconditional acceptance of God’s plan to deal with the “mean church members” (often the pastoral “critics” spreading discontent) who stalk the halls and intimidate others so that they can get their way.

God’s plan is called accountability: accountability for the sinful words and actions (including bearing a critical spirit). Accountability lies at the heart of what it means to build a church worthy of God’s recognition (see Matthew 16:18-19; 18:15-20; Revelation chapters 2 and 3). If you will take the time to read these passages (and I hope you will!), you will note that there are churches of Revelation that are condemned for failing to hold members accountable for sinful belief and behavior.

Pastors must be free of fear and criticism when they dare speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) to us about our bad behavior. They must have every confidence that if they speak the truth to us, they will not be in danger of losing their standing as God’s undershepherd in our midst. They need to be encouraged to lead all of the church’s lay leaders and members in a manner that is consistent with God’s revelation without fear of losing their position as God’s ordained shepherd overseers for simply doing the work of the Scriptures.

Of course, as faithful shepherds, they must, always have deep humility, reverence, and fear of God as they administer the rod and the staff (see Redeeming Church Conflicts, page 135). They must never be motivated by their own comfort or control or any sense of being “above” anyone in the church. Instead, they must understand that they are merely servants molding God’s eternal children to the pattern of His holiness. This is a difficult balance to achieve and to maintain and requires careful understanding and mutual submission by both the pastor and the church’s members to the authority of God’s Word. Pastors must fear that God will hold them accountable for their ministry and members must be those who obey their leaders for fear of God’s eternal accountability if they do not.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. Hebrews 13:17

May our pastors fear God—not their critics in the pews.

In the Lamb,
Dave Edling

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How to Preserve Your Pastor (Part 1) — Lack of Practical Training for Local Church Ministry: The Problem of Misguided and Misstated Expectations

My three part series “How to Fire Your Pastor” sadly continues to remain the most frequently searched title that lands people on this website. I hope the title of this series will change that statistic!

Recently, Dr. Thom Rainer, president and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources, undertook a small research project involving twenty-two experienced pastors, all over the age of 55 and most of whom were still in active pastoral ministry. He reported his findings in an article entitled “The Seven Top Regrets of Pastors.”

Unsurprisingly, these seven pastoral regrets coincide with the most frequent church conflicts I have experienced in my twenty years of work as a Christian mediator:

1. Lack of practical training for local church ministry
2. Overly concerned about critics
3. Failure to exercise faith
4. Not enough time with family
5. Failure to understand basic business and finance issues
6. Failure to share ministry
7. Failure to make friends

So what do we do with these findings? Is it sufficient to merely note and lament them? I would say no. Instead, as I will attempt to show in this blog series, it seems to me that we should all:

• Explore and understand how each of these pastoral regrets can lead to (or be birthed from) destructive church conflicts that could have been avoided; and
• Carefully consider what we as church leaders and members can do in order to preserve our pastors and prevent regret-related conflicts from leading to the hasty dismissal of pastors.

In other words, rather than sitting idly by as our own pastors move through their lives with these seven regrets, this blog series will challenges us to ask, “So what?” and, “Now what?” What preventive action should we be taking as members and fellow leaders to avoid pastoral burnout, distraction, discouragement; and to save our pastor and church from destructive conflict?

Part 1: Lack of Practical Training for Local Church Ministry—The Problem of Misguided and Misstated Expectations

The role of the seminary in the training of a man for pastoring a church is largely academic. The study areas of Greek and Hebrew, all fields of theology, church history, evangelism, church polity, preaching, missions, and so on, are not focused on the development of a potential ministerial candidate’s Christian character, social skills, personality, relational wisdom, and peacemaking/conflict resolution abilities. For years while on the staff at Peacemaker Ministries my colleagues and I tried to provide a vision to seminaries for such training but were routinely met with the response:

“We don’t have room in the curriculum for such courses and that is the responsibility of the church, not the seminary.”

It was the expectation of the seminary that the home church of the seminary student had, prior to seminary attendance, screened and determined that the future student/pastor was Christian character qualified, emotionally mature, and spiritually gifted to care for people, being able to relate to all sorts with tact and wisdom. It was similarly the expectation of the seminary that the church a student was attending during their seminary years was also training the potential candidate in practical ministerial skills. Some churches were doing that, but many were not. Some denominations have internship requirements before a candidate for pastoral ministry can have their name considered for ordination, but many do not. Those that do can list practical matters that are to be developed during an internship program, but it is well known that these requirements are usually not strictly monitored or enforced. The local church, when calling a man for the pastoral office, is left with a hit-or-miss level of expectation of the true nature of a candidate’s readiness for the practical requirements of local church ministry.

The call process itself in most churches primarily consists of the focus on the candidate’s ability to preach. Taped sermons are pored over; visitation to the local church is centered on preaching and short social gatherings with the candidate and their spouse.  Infrequently is a candidate examined on the topics of day-to-day shepherding like counseling, compassion and care, leadership of strong personalities (those who usually serve on church boards and councils!), and the ability to deal with budgets and contracts and general business matters. Large churches, of course, have staffs that deal with many of these areas but there is usually an expectation that the pastor has adequate knowledge and experience to effectively supervise every area that is part of the running of a church in today’s culture. When expectations go unmet conflict frequently follows.

The problem is one of misguided and misstated expectation. The associated comment with this “regret” in Dr. Rainer’s report is that “I had to learn in the school of hard knocks, and it was very painful at times.”  During those times of pastoral pain church members can be very harsh, lack empathy, and move quickly to judgments about the inadequacy of their pastor to do “the job.” Unfortunately, many lay people can irrationally jump to equating pastoral ministry to a “job” like the one they have centered on satisfaction of a customer or client through specific performance criteria.

So what are some things other church leaders and church members can do to avoid this “regret?”

• First, everyone should understand the dynamic of “expectations” and be ready to control the damaging effects of their unmet expectations.  Rather than being quick to ask, “What happened?” we should all ask “How can I help?” and “What can I do to assist the man we have called as our shepherd become all that God would have him be in our midst given his spiritual gifting?”
• Second, the pastor himself must be quick to help set expectations by not trying to muddle through his weaknesses (faking it/keeping up appearances). Instead, he should be quick to admit his shortcomings and to ask for help. If people begin to grumble about the quality of the preaching, he should admit that additional coursework or coaching from a more gifted preacher would be helpful so that his preaching will improve in order to meet the real needs of worshippers. The same is true, of course, for every area of ministry as well.
• Third, church members need to undertake careful self-examination and question their own spiritual maturity so that they can be sure they are ready to commit to a shepherd who doesn’t just live to please them. The pastor is called to please God and guide the sheep even when the sheep (church members) don’t like where God’s Word may be leading them. That is what makes pastoring very different from a “job.” The shepherd’s call requires him to lay down biblical principles that will guide the church. Frequently such principles will clash with practical reality, but the pragmatic must never be elevated above the biblical ideal (the eternal truth of God’s Word).
• And finally, everyone must exercise the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Being intentional about your faith can preserve your pastor. Helping him model these spiritual qualities by modeling such behavior ourselves can set the right kind of expectations that should govern life in our churches.

Too many pastors have undertaken ministry with a belief that the apostle’s words at 1 Corinthians 9:22 “to become all things to all men” means they must be the expert in every area of church endeavor. We, the sheep who follow, must be very careful to not feed such an attitude by having and placing expectations on the men we call when we know that what they really need is a group of faithful followers who reward humility and joyously seek mutual ministry as partners.

For the glory and peace of the Church,
Dave Edling

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

NEVER Allow Gossip Against Church Leaders

I put a post up at my personal blog today that I thought might have a little cross-appeal here at RedeemingChurchConflicts.com. It has to do with praying for our church leaders—but really, it has to do with so much more too.

The last paragraph reminded me of a story that one of my church leaders loves to tell. It had to do with a teen missions trip that he was helping to lead. A relatively new-to-our-church teenager started snipping and sniping about him to other teens, but she never got very far because each teenager had grown up in our church and had been taught the foundational biblical peacemaking principles from an early age; they knew how destructive gossip was; and they knew that our church leaders lead by submitting. They submit to God, to one another, to our denomination … they confess sin, they lead not with perfection but with humility. And it is not a strange thing for them to be confronted. They need confrontation just like all of us do.

So this teenager heard, over and over again:

“It sounds like you have a problem with Pastor So-And-So. You cannot continue to talk about him in this way to me. If you have a problem with him, you need to go to him and help him to understand how he offended you. If that sounds too scary, I will go with you and help you. But you cannot keep saying these things about him behind his back.”

And so, the girls went to the church leader and he was confronted and repentant (because, as he says, “She was right!”), and that was that.

Oh, friends. If only every single church member were as wise as these teenagers, as trained in peacemaking as these teenagers, as willing to submit and to confront their leaders as these teenagers. There would be a LOT less need for Christian mediators for conflicted churches if so.

Hope you enjoy the blog post—

A grateful sheep,
Tara B.

In Church Conflict (as in War), The Malice of the Wicked is Reinforced by the Weakness of the Virtuous

Over the holidays, I began reading Winston Churchill’s Memoirs of the Second World War (the abridged version not knowing if I would live long enough to read his entire six volume set!).  In one of the opening paragraphs Churchill writes of his purpose in setting to paper his experiences:

It is my purpose, as one who lived and acted in these days, to show how easily the tragedy of the Second World War could have been prevented; how the malice of the wicked was reinforced by the weakness of the virtuous; how the structure and habits of democratic states, unless they are welded together into larger organisms, lack those elements of persistence and conviction which can alone give security to humble masses; how, even in matters of self-preservation, no policy is pursued even for ten or fifteen years at a time. We shall see how the counsels of prudence and restraint may become the prime agents of mortal danger; how the middle course adopted from desires for safety and a quiet life may be found to lead direct to the bull’s-eye of disaster. We shall see how absolute is the need of a broad path of international action pursued by many states in common across the years, irrespective of the ebb and flow of national politics.

As I read those words I was struck by the truth that with some minor tweaking they would apply with equal force to the state of today’s church as it seeks to remain relevant:

It is my purpose, as one who has been active in the church, to show how easily the tragedy of the irrelevance of the church on modern culture could have been prevented; how the malice of the wicked was reinforced by the weakness of the virtuous; how the structure and habits of so-called tolerant churches, unless they are welded together in the uncompromising truth of the Bible’s Gospel of Jesus Christ, lack those elements of persistence and conviction which can alone give security to proud yet confused masses; how, even in matters of eternal self-preservation, no consistent theology is pursued for even a few years until replaced with the latest spiritual fad. We shall see how the counsels of prudence and restraint may become the prime agents of eternal immortal danger; how the middle course adopted from desires for safety and the quiet life may be found to lead directly to the bull’s eye of disaster. We shall see how absolute is the need of following the narrow path of Christ pursued by many churches in common across the years, irrespective of the ebb and flow of the popular, majority culture.

Of course, that parallel is not perfect and my attempt to draw comparisons may not satisfy you, but one element is clear: unless those who know God’s Word are without waver as they intentionally determine to faithfully live and practice the Scriptures as the virtuous strong, the malice of the wicked will be reinforced! Dr. Timothy Witmer’s wonderful statement concerning church leadership is absolutely true:

Faithful shepherds protect their flocks not only from harmful outside influences but from the self-serving among the sheep. Many congregations have experienced the intimidation of bullies within their midst when leaders fail to take responsibility to shepherd the flock. It is often the strong-willed, outspoken, highly opinioned folk who fill the void. There will always be leaders—the issue is whether they are the leaders called and gifted by God to shepherd his flock or those who push themselves forward so that they can push others around. (Quoted in Redeeming Church Conflicts at page 117)

Destructive, unredeemed conflict in the church usually is a result of some who are willing to compromise God’s clear plan and path for his church in total submission to Christ. Without virtuous church leaders and members willing to confront the schemes of the wicked, the malice of the wicked will be reinforced. Whenever we value tolerance over truth, lose persistence and conviction in the one Gospel of Christ, or seek merely safety and the quiet disengaged life, we run the risk and danger of becoming irrelevant. That may sound harsh but look at the reality of our culture today. Where do you see culture being informed and conformed to the image of Christ and his kingdom by the relevance of the church?

Irish philosopher and politician Edmund Burke said nearly three hundred years ago, “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” That is as true in the church as it is other venues (just as is Churchill’s statement above concerning the malice of the wicked being reinforced by the weakness of the virtuous is likewise true). My prayer is that we will encourage our leaders to be both virtuous and strong by being so ourselves as we follow the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords as his virtuous strong.

In the Lamb,
Dave Edling