Doesn’t God Condone Church Conflict in 1 Corinthians 11:17-19?

This summer at our church I am teaching the material of Redeeming Church Conflicts in one of our Sunday morning adult community groups. Yesterday during class a man said (with a degree of confidence) that the Bible endorses conflict in the church in order to sort things out…who is right and who is wrong. He didn’t know the exact passage but knew it was in one of Paul’s epistles. I didn’t have time at the moment to go into a detailed response but will next week in order to help that man and the others in the class put Paul’s comment into context and perspective.

The verses the man was referring to are those we find at 1 Corinthians 11:17-19:

In the following directives, I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good. In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you, and to some extent I believe it. No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval.

In the course of my ministry as a Christian Conciliator I have heard this passage used as justification, authorization, and even biblical warrant for church conflict. But is that really what Paul is saying? It would seem that the one who wrote, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”(Ephesians 4:2-3) would not write something as drastically contradictory as advocated by the understanding of those who interpret the First Corinthians passage above as a license for divisions in the church. Here is where interpretive tools become so important:

1. Scripture Interprets Scripture
2. The Importance of Context

Applying the first tool (“Scripture interprets Scripture”), we have seen already that 1 Corinthians 11:19 can’t mean that God authorizes divisions in the church. Not only at Ephesians 4, but Paul’s argument in the very next chapter of First Corinthians (chapter 12), especially beginning at verse 12 where he equates the church body with a physical human body, it is clear Paul is saying specifically that divisions in the church make absolutely no sense and have no place in the body of Christ. Verses 24b through 25 states this very directly:

But God has combined the members of the body (meaning the members of Christ’s body, the members of the church), and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body (meaning no division in the church between its members), but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.

Paul makes this lesson emphatically clear when he states at verse 27: “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”

So what does Paul mean when he states, “No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval?”

The context of the passage answers that question. Paul is giving specific “directives” (verse 17) to the members of this church so that their meetings (worship services) will honor God and not merely demonstrate their spiritual immaturity. Using a number of examples he seeks to correct the self-centered patterns (selfishness) that has led church members to conduct themselves in ways that are inconsistent with the very faith they profess and seek to practice. The first example is that of how communion (The Lord’s Supper) should be administered (Chapter 11, verses 20 through 29). Then he turns to jealously over spiritual gifts (Chapter 12, verses 1 through 11, and verses 28 through 31). Then (after words emphasizing the goal of unity through mutual care and love; Chapter 12, verses 12 through 27, and all of Chapter 13) he turns to the disruptive misuse of the gifts of prophecy and speaking in tongues (Chapter 14, verses 1 through 25). Finally, in Chapter 14 at verse 26 he asks, “What then shall we say?” Here Paul is now ready to summarize what he means about the foolishness of divisions in the church over these specific matters of worship and life together in the church. And what does he say:

All of these (meaning every element of their meetings over which there has been so much division) must be done for the strengthening of the church. 1 Corinthians 14:26c (emphases and explanation added)

Paul, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit not only to the believers at Corinth at that time but to all Christians of all time, is specifically condemning divisions in the church by instructing them how to cease their infighting by doing worship and life together in the right manner that follows the overarching principle of selflessness (love and care) toward one another, especially when gathering together for worship of their Lord and Savior. He is showing them specifically what “God approves” and what He disapproves (verse 19) concerning those matters that have come to his attention because of their divisions.

God does not endorse division and conflict in the church. His own body… the body of Christ, is one. Rather, he corrects our errors by bringing instruction, which is one form of discipline. We are truly God’s children and eternal siblings dwelling together in His church when we receive such discipline and rejoice in it and don’t attempt to twist it in order to further feed self-centeredness through finding an argument for divisions in that which cannot be divided.

God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. Hebrews 12:10b

- Dave Edling

(This article was originally published in 2012.)

Redeem Church Conflicts by Listening to LAWYERS? Really?

Q. Redeeming church conflicts doesn’t apply to us because our church is being sued by non-Christians. So we have to listen to our lawyers, right?

A. If you are being sued by anybody it is always wise to listen to your lawyers. Besides being licensed experts in the secular law, however, lawyers are not merely “attorneys-at-law;” they are also to be “counselors-at-law.” That means they are to be aware of what is important to you as Christians and how your faith will be expressed even as you respond to a lawsuit. And that means that redeeming church conflicts does apply because you don’t stop becoming people of faith just because you are being sued by non-Christians. Christians, of course, should retain Christian lawyers who will be sensitive to the priorities and values of their fellow believers.

Tara and I define “redeeming church conflict” as:

“Intentional dependence on the humbling and heart changing grace of Christ’s Holy Spirit by turning relational crisis in the church into compassionate care as you take every thought and deed captive to him.”

Since Christians are concerned about the reputation of Christ and his church in the world how we respond to a lawsuit initiated by non-Christians will demonstrate our commitment to that concern.

A wonderful missionary friend (now deceased) by the name of Harvey Conn used to say, “The church is the only organization in the world that has great concern for its non-members.” Our relationship with non-Christians should reflect a deep concern for their present and future existence so we become those who “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) as a witness to the eternal truths we have embraced. Regardless of what others do (Christian or non-Christian) we are called to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). As such, redeeming church conflicts applies to conflicts arising both within and without the church. To redeem any conflict is not dependent on what anyone else does. Our trust in the Lord means we don’t have to fall victim to worldly conformity:

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 2 Corinthians 10:3

At the same time, however:

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Matthew 10:16

So, listen to your lawyers (being “shrewd’), but also speak to them as well of your faith in Christ and your love for your enemies (being “innocent”). Doing both should not be hard since it is the practical plan given to us by our Lord.

-Dave Edling

(This article was originally published in 2012.)

Two Elements of Redeeming Church Conflict: Intentionality and Contentment

Q. How can I maintain an “eternal perspective” given the harsh realities of this church conflict?

A. It is one thing to give mental assent to the concept of living from an “eternal perspective,” and quite another to actually fit life’s temporal events into that larger framework. But, as Christians, that is what we are called to do. One of my seminary professors, Dr. John Frame, famously wrote:

“Scripture makes it clear that those who are unable to apply God’s Word do not truly understand it.”

Our call and our challenge is to apply what we both know and believe to be true from God’s revealed Word (His will) to every aspect of our lives; every trial, every suffering, every disappointment, and every conflict.  Of course we still struggle to consistently practice what we believe in a manner that both mentally embraces and practically demonstrates a consistency of what I call “faith-belief-life.” If I truly believe that the greatest portion of my existence will be spent apart from my physical body and away from this temporal world, then shouldn’t that present belief also presently define how I deal with the harsh matters of this temporal life?

Having tried to live as consistently as possible with what I believe, I confess, it is not always easy. (What an understatement!) Actually, I have found that it is impossible! That impossibility is what makes the Gospel “good news.” God has graciously revealed that it is not by human effort that I can rightfully anticipate a glorious future spent in an eternal paradise with Him forever. That is what faith in Jesus Christ has accomplished, but even more, I can rightfully now anticipate that thorough God-enabled and God-directed effort I can live in this present world as His eternal child. I can do that because he is all about conforming me, and conforming you, to his noble and eternal purposes (see Romans 12:2 and 2 Timothy 2:21). That reality should make a rather significant difference in how we are able to live day-to-day while still clothed in this flesh.

Two practical elements of living from an eternal perspective are embodied in the biblical concepts of intentionality and contentment.  These are practical terms and concepts that, for me, put content to eternal perspective living.

Intentionality

The biblical basis for intentionality is Philippians 4:9, 1Timothy 4:15, and 2 Peter 1:10:

• Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:9
• Put into practice: whatever is true; whatever is noble; whatever is right; whatever is pure; whatever is lovely; whatever is admirable; anything excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).

• Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 1Timothy 4:15
• Be diligent: receiving everything God created as good; rejecting godless myths; holding promise for both the present life and the life to come; setting an example for believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity; devoting yourself to reading Scripture and to preaching and teaching; not to neglect your spiritual gift (1 Timothy 4).

• Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall. 2 Peter 1:10
• Do these things: make every effort to add to your faith goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love; avoid becoming ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of Jesus Christ; avoid becoming nearsighted and blind by forgetting that you have been cleansed from past sins (2 Peter 1).

Contentment

The biblical basis for contentment is Philippians 4:11, 1Timothy 6:6-7, and Hebrews 13:5:

• I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be contentwhatever the circumstances. Philippians 4:11
• Learn to be content: whatever the circumstances; in need or in plenty; well fed or hungry; living in plenty or in want; learning the secret of being content by doing everything through him who gives strength (Philippians 4:10-13).

• But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1Timothy 6:6-7
• Godliness with contentment: food and clothing are enough; rejecting love of money; pursuing righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness; fighting the good fight of the faith; taking hold of the eternal life to which you have been called (1 Timothy 6:8-12). 

• Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ Hebrews 13:5
• Be content: by loving each other as brothers; entertaining strangers; remembering those in prison and those who are mistreated; honoring marriage; living free from the love of money; being content with what you have; remembering your leaders in the faith (Hebrews 13:1-7).

When we know what practices we, as Christians, are to be intentional about, and those intentions are set within the context of contentment in our present day realities, we can have great hope and assurance that our efforts are God-enabled and God-dependent even as each day passes in this rapidly departing world. Intentionality and contentment reflect our faith in Christ, that He is subduing all things under His control. And even the tragic events we all experience take on meaning beyond their immediate consequences. Looking beyond the surface of our sorrows and conflicts, we are bolstered by thepurposes that all life situations have. Purposes that are eternal purposes, rooted all the way back in the throne room and very character of God Himself. With our hearts fixed on eternity, we see beyond our daily conflicts (as difficult as they may be) and we fix our hopes on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our Faith. God Himself is using all of our life events to mold us into his eternal children so that we will be useful both now and forever.  Imagine! How our churches would blossom with gentleness, patience, joy, and peace if only more and more Christians began to consistently hold an eternal perspective of faith – belief – life.

Of course there are many other Scriptural principles that call us to maintain an eternal perspective. I have shared two of my favorites with you, but I would love to know yours—and especially how you live your life in accordance with the verses that prompt you to live with an eternal perspective.

I will sign off with a profound quote by the great theologian, Yogi Berra:

When you come to a fork in the road take it!

We will, Yogi Berra! We all come to many forks in our roads every day. Hour by hour, minute by minute, we can intentionally choose contentment as we apply all of our faith and belief to all of our life’s decisions. Or we can go the way of darkness and folly—never putting up the good fight of effort, of intentional trying. No. Instead, we choose to live miserable lives of rebellion against all we claim to believe, all we claim to have faith in. One path leads to life. The other, destruction. Choose (intentional, contentment-filled) life!

-Dave Edling

(This article was originally published in 2012.)

Can a Whole Church Forgive a Church Leader?

Q. What does corporate forgiveness look like? Can a whole congregation forgive a church leader?

A. Jim Van Yperen in his book Making Peace accurately notes that church conflicts are always about leadership. Not that all church conflicts are initially between leaders or a leader and a member or group of members, but that since leaders have responsibility for the life of the church it is leaders who either bring an end to conflict or allow its continuation. The word “allow” here doesn’t fully capture the dynamic of the continuation of congregational conflict because it fails to recognize that leader incompetence or abdication can also be the cause of continued fights. I have seen many churches spiral into church-wide conflict because leaders failed in their duty to be peacemakers for a wide range of reasons. When sheep fight they need the shepherd to return calm. When the shepherd or shepherds fail the conflict now is about them because they have failed to bring effective peacemaking to the flock.

With that background, what does it mean and what does it take for the whole flock to say to the shepherd (or shepherds):

“OK, you failed to shepherd us and we were hurt by the continuation of conflict, BUT we forgive you; you can still be our shepherd.”

That question, and that action, is premature, of course, at this point in the response. The better question that needs to be asked first is “How can a church leader communicate with power and believability that he has failed in his duty to bring peace to the flock?” A group of people cannot corporately forgive until they have seen true humility, brokenness, and contriteness on the part of the responsible leader or leaders. I my experience, that has been, unfortunately, a rare occasion.

In Redeeming Church Conflicts, we do tell one story of a memorable occasion where church leaders did the hard foundational work of laying the groundwork for congregational forgiveness. But even then, some church members refused, in their state of agitation and spiritual immaturity, they missed the opportunity to forgive truly repentant and humble leaders. Those members became the ones now responsible for the continuation of conflict, not the shepherds.  They fled the church when they saw they wouldn’t get what they wanted. But for those who had the spiritual maturity to “see” what was really taking place on that memorable day this is what occurred.

Following a sincere (and emotion laden) confession by the pastor and elders as they stood before the assembled church membership where each one spoke of their “fear of man” and “unworthiness” to be a leader, the members responded:

There were some howls of protest. But most there that day realized something profound was happening and that it wasn’t just about these men standing before them. Later some said they saw idols being slain and shepherds emerging from the ashes. Others admitted feeling small in the presence of men who had laid down their weapons of defensiveness and self-justification to pick up the gentle harmony of humility as they demonstrated a unity with the crucified Christ without concern for temporal consequences. That was a day that would be long remembered at CBC. 

Group (corporate) forgiveness is less about “what it might look like” and all about what is going on in the heart of each church member and that is only and all about the work of the Holy Spirit granting a spirit of forgiveness in each heart that has been prepared to accept the Spirit’s gift of forgiveness.  In that church every member that forgave stood and through tears said “I forgive you.”  That is what corporate forgiveness “looks like.”

Corporate forgiveness is dependent on individual forgiveness and that is a result of the Holy Spirit’s work in a heart ready to be obedient; ready to be redeeming:

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

-Dave Edling

(This article was originally published in 2012.)

Why is the rampant loss of hope a reality in most church conflicts?

One observation Tara and I make in Redeeming Church Conflicts concerns the loss of hope among believers who struggle with conflicts in the church. We spend a significant number of words on that sad dynamic and how to respond biblically. Scripture, of course, repeatedly and clearly points to God and his Word as the only true source of our hope. For example:

• Psalm 42:5     put your hope in God…
• Psalm 62:5     my hope comes from him…
• Psalm 119:74  for I have put my hope in your word…
• Psalm 146:5   whose hope is in the Lord his God…
• Romans 15:13 may the God of hope fill you…
• 1 Corinthians 15:19  for this life we hope in Christ…
• Hebrews 6:19   we have this hope as an anchor…
• Hebrews 11:1    faith is being sure of what we hope for…

We all know that hope is one of the most enduring aspects of the Christian faith: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

With such clarity from Scripture, doesn’t it seem a bit incongruent that hope frequently becomes one of the first victims of church conflict? We profess hope as a core fixture of our faith along with faith and love but when conflicts poison the culture of the church hope seems the most vulnerable.

Why? Why the rampant loss of hope as a reality of church conflict?

I think it is because we frequently and too easily dilute biblical hope with worldly reality. That confusion is often fueled by prayers first (and ardently) for God to change “that other person” rather than for God to change me. We know God is perfectly trustworthy but that people aren’t. We know that God is perfectly faithful but that people aren’t. We know that God is perfectly consistent but that people aren’t.

So, when the people we have looked to to define our faith, shape our lives as believers, and form our experience of Christianity fail us, at that time of failure, frequently our hope in God withers too.

Loss and failure based on what we have experienced in God’s church at the hands of other believers is often confused with a failure of God. And in that confusion we then treat others not out of love but out of failed hope. Because we lose hope in the people of the church we can lose our hope in God. Further, we subsequently don’t allow the true source of hope to govern our relationships with others. Rather, we allow our shifting and misplaced hope in people, who like us, are ultimately not perfectly trustworthy, faithful, or consistent, drive our conduct and we fall further and further away from our real source of hope.

The object of our hope should never change even when we find ourselves shaken by conflict. If the object and ultimate source of our hope does not waiver should we not be able to maintain hope whatever comes? We are called to be free (and wise) in the Spirit to distinguish worldly disappointment so that it doesn’t lead to disappointment with God. Being grounded in God as our only source for hope means we can then choose to minister, serve, and have compassion and care for those who would even be the potential cause of our hope-confusion.

Rightly placed hope always remembers: And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us (Roman 5:5).

May you find joy in hope even in the midst of church conflict.

-Dave Edling

(This article was originally posted in 2011.)

When to Leave a Church

A few weeks ago in response to my blog about church membership, member vows, and what might be a valid reason to leave one’s church, a reader wrote that she didn’t think I answered the question. She also expressed her opinion that when church leaders become abusive that a very good reason to leave one’s church exists. So, I thought I should write a bit more about what I believe about a church member feeling that circumstances may establish grounds for leaving one’s church.

First, I believe that this reader is correct in saying I didn’t answer the question, at least not in the way she thought I should. My purpose in writing here at Redeeming Church Conflicts.com is not to provide specific answers to specific questions that a person would then use to make a final personal decision, but rather to help questioners think through for themselves what should be the way of asking the best questions, at the right time, in the best forum, for the right reasons, and with the application of biblical truth driving every aspect of that process. (Please see Tara’s and my “About Us” page and our “Disclaimer” statement on this site.) Not only that, please remember Proverbs 18:17:

The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him. 

In this format we cannot be expected to have all of the information from both sides relevant to any story or comment.

In this instance, our reader’s comment concerning her belief that a valid reason for leaving a church was when church leaders become abusive indicates that she is seeking an answer to confirm or deny that that reason is valid and one based on, in her opinion, biblical principle. She cited Ezekiel 34 as an example of unfaithful shepherds and how that provided her argument that that reason was a valid one for leaving one’s church. But, in my opinion, there are so many other better questions that should, and must, be explored first before closing the door on this important issue.

Let me rephrase what seems to be our reader’s core question: “Is it biblically valid to break one’s church membership vows and leave the church when church leaders become abusive?” This question can be further subdivided into:

1. When is it biblically valid to break one’s church membership vows and leave the church?” and
2. When can a church leader’s behavior be labeled “abusive?”

The second question may be one way to a potential reason or answer to the first so I am not going to go into the many potential forms of pastoral abuse here since the list would be very long (such as breach of a church member’s confidentiality, sexual abuse, counseling abuse, greed, failure to shepherd, intentional lying to protect self, not preaching the Gospel, etc., etc.). Those may all be valid reasons to label a leader’s behavior as “abusive,” but they may not all be valid reasons to leave one’s church. So, the first of our subdivided question becomes the key one on which to focus.

Breaking a vow, any vow, is a very serious matter. Breaking a vow of church membership is one of the most serious because it was one made as a promise to both God and God’s under-shepherds, and the people who inhabit the pews with you. Vows should never be taken lightly. My first question back to our reader may be something like:

“When you became a member of your church did you know everything you possibly could about how the leaders of the church would undertake their shepherding responsibilities toward you and others?”

I believe too many people make decisions too quickly about joining a particular church before knowing everything they can about it. That is why “potential new member’s classes” are so important. But, it also takes some time to see if what was taught in such a class is what is actually practiced in the church. A rash vow can be a dangerous thing (see the account of Jephthah and his daughter in Judges, chapter 11).

Because a church membership vow is so important it is also wise to think through, “what is the nature of this vow really?” That is:

• Is it a unilateral vow where all responsibility for fulfillment is solely mine or is this a reciprocal situation where the church is also making a vow to me?
• If the church breaks its vow to me am I free to break my vow in return?
• What about my responsibility to quietly use my position as a member to seek to correct the breach?
• If a church leader is not living up to his responsibility should I not seek to help this leader see that and change? (This is an aspect of accountability that many church members don’t embrace when things aren’t going as they should in the church based on a biblical standard and from a biblical perspective.)
• What about those who have spiritual authority over church leaders? Can they hear your concerns and appropriately be brought into the situation so that errant leaders can have the benefit of correction? If you have joined a church where there is no meaningful accountability for leader behavior and practice you have likely not fulfilled your responsibility to take a vow wisely. Every church leader needs the benefit of being under meaningful accountability. That is a question of “polity” (church governance structure) and should be one of the most important subjects taught in a potential new member’s class and completely understood before a church membership vow is taken.

The question we are focusing on is a very difficult one to find a completely satisfactory answer to because God took his own vow one day long past that stands as a model for us of the severity of vow-taking. You can read about it in Genesis, chapter 15. Because God can make a binding promise on nothing higher than himself this vow is called a self-maledictory oath (it includes the punishment as part of the vow if broken). The best discussion of this vow that demonstrates how seriously God took his own vow is in Tim Lane’s and Paul Tripp’s book How People Change at pages 68 and 69:

What is going on in this strange encounter? Abram is struggling to believe God, so God helps him. He tells him to cut some animals in half. That night, a smoking firepot and a blazing torch pass between the animal halves. God was saying, “If I do not keep my promise to you, may what happened to these animals happen to me!” This is called a self-maledictory oath. God is saying, “If I don’t keep my end of the bargain, may I be ripped asunder!” Over two thousand years later, God the Son hung on a cross, crying out, “My God! My God! Why have we been ripped asunder?” God allowed what should have happened to us to happen to Jesus. We were the ones who failed, yet the triune God was torn asunder so that we might be united to him and to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. The perfect love, unity, and joy that existed between the Father, Son, and Spirit were demolished, for a time, for our sake.

This is the ground on which we build all relationships. Every time you are tempted to shun another believer [be that a church leader, pastor, or fellow member],remember that the Father, Son, and Spirit were torn asunder so that you might be united. When you sin or are sinned against, you are to move toward your sibling in Christ aware that Father, Son, and Spirit were torn asunder so that you might be reconciled! If we approached relationships in the body of Christ with that in view, it would transform our friendships. In Ephesians 4, Paul says that to the degree you do this, you will be “built up,” “become mature,” “ attain to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ,” and “grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”

I hope that all of our readers have a better understanding of vow-taking and vow-keeping in the church when they reflect on Genesis 15 and the words above.  To the reader who asked the direction question weeks ago:

Yes, leaders may be abusive and you should leave if that is true and you have no avenue open to you for holding them accountable for their abuse, but first take responsibility for the fact the fault may have been yours for taking the church membership vow in the first place. Did you agree to be in submission to these leaders without knowledge? Did you know if they were men under meaningful ecclesiastical accountability? If not, acknowledge your sin for taking a vow perhaps a bit too rashly. Humbly acknowledge that the fault was yours and try your best not to fall into the same situation the next time you join a church.

-Dave Edling

(This post was originally published in 2011.)

What should a wife do when her husband has conflicts with the church leaders?

Q. What do I do when my husband has called out a leader in sin (following Mt. 18); brought it to the church (1 Tim. 5:20); and the church is either in denial or is choosing to overlook it and now has attacked my husband (saying he’s in sin for publicly rebuking the leader)? They have unresolved issues with my husband but not one of them has made any attempts to seek resolution even though I have encouraged them to do so. Some of these people are my closest friends but they have wrongly attacked my husband and are protecting the leader. What does God’s Word say about what I should do as the wife? None of the leaders will have any communication with my husband but they are still willing to talk to me. My thought is that I should have nothing to do with them until they seek resolution with my husband (whom I am 100% behind for what he did). Is this biblical?

A. This is a series of questions so let’s break them out and see where God’s Word would lead us.

First, your first question should be restated as: “Was it biblically proper for my husband to publically confront and rebuke a church leader over his sin (I have to assume this was an ordained minister, elder, etc… someone in an official, visible position of authority in the church)? Rather than simply assuming that your husband acted properly let’s ask that question first. The verse that discusses most directly how to bring a charge of sin against an ordained leader is 1 Timothy 5:19, the verse right before the passage you mention as your husband’s basis for bringing a public rebuke (1 Timothy 5:20). First Timothy 5:19 says:

“Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.”  

This principle is one mentioned a number of times in Scripture (see Deuteronomy 19:15 and 2 Corinthians 13:1, for example), and is foundational to the question of whether your husband has acted biblically or not. Of course, you should not merely stand by your husband if he has acted in a manner that calls for his repentance (more on that later). The multiple witness principle applied in what seems to be your case would result in not just your husband confronting the leader but at least two or three others who agree with your husband that this ordained leader is caught in a sin and needs the church’s help so that he may see it and become freed. Matthew 18:16 calls for a process where two or three are to become involved so that “every matter may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.”

Further, an act of church discipline (such as a “public rebuke”) is to be brought by the church (usually the elders of the church depending on a church’s polity), and a “public rebuke” is to be an official act of the church and not one taken by any one person. By saying in your comments that “They have unresolved issues with my husband…” makes me wonder: What about the other agreeing witnesses? Do leaders have issues with them as well? If only your husband stands as the accuser he has not acted biblically and he should repent, ask forgiveness, and express his concerns about this apparently sin-caught leader in a different manner… not making just this his issue but following the pattern of the Scriptures.

Second, you state that none of the leaders (apparently both the leader who has been confronted and other church leaders) has made any attempts to seek resolution even though I have encouraged them to do so. My question would be: How have you encouraged your husband to seek resolution by humbly owning whatever he has done to contribute to this conflict?

Even though these leaders are your friends you probably have more credibility with your husband at present then you have with them. Will you counsel your husband to think about the manner in which he has brought this accusation as discussed in the first paragraph of this answer? Even if other witnesses who agree with your husband are involved, an accusation of sin against anyone is to be brought “gently” (Galatians 6:1) and not in a manner that will create conflict (it would seem your husband may have created this conflict by bringing a “public rebuke”).

Helping another person realize their sin and then helping them to become unstuck is a ministry for the benefit of the one caught and, according to Scripture, is to be done with great care and gentleness. It sounds that you have been quick to judge others (“they have wrongly attacked my husband and are protecting the leader”) and such judgment is inconsistent with caring ministry.

Third, you ask “What does God’s Word say about what I should do as the wife?” I would suggest a more appropriate way to ask that question would be this: What should I do as a Christian to help gently restore my brothers in Christ to fellowship with one another? While you have a special relationship with your husband as his wife you have even a higher calling as a sister in Christ to him and the others involved in this conflict. To be able to really ask of this whole scenario “Is this biblical?” you will first have to come to an eternal perspective that frees you to look without bias at the biblical principles of peacemaking when you see ones you love trapped in conflict.

When you do that you open yourself and others to all of God’s wisdom concerning his high priority for peace between his eternal children. Ephesians 4:2 and 3 says:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

One way you can make that effort is to read more on this website from the various articles and links that Tara and I provide, especially on confrontation and conflicts involving leaders. Further, pray that God would give you an impartial passion to help your husband and all of these other fellow Christians to live at peace by trusting that God has given you and them this situation so that you might grow in your Christ-like character and closer to Him as you navigate this conflict for his glory.

Obviously, the implication here is that you should not cut off communications with anyone conditioned on what they may or may not do. You are not alone and I would encourage you to seek out wise and mature Christian friends who will walk with you through this peacemaking opportunity.

Blessings,
Dave Edling

(This article was originally published in 2012.)

When “Peacemaking” Causes Even More Conflicts

Q. I am afraid to go directly to the person who has seriously sinned against me as it says I should do in Matthew 18:15. I am afraid because I think by going it would make matters worse between us. What should I do because I want to follow the Bible and be reconciled?

A. Thank you for respecting the authority of God’s Word. That, I believe, is the core issue confronting Christianity: Is God’s Holy Word as found in the Holy Bible worthy of absolute authority because it is our Creator’s binding revelation to us? You seem to have settled that question in your own mind by how you have asked your question. You indicate that it is binding on you and you do want to obey it. Again, I commend you for this view. And because you desire to honor God by following his principles laid down on the pages of Scripture I will attempt to do the same by speaking truth in love to you.

“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace” (Amelia Earhart, Aviator). I am quite sure that Miss Earhart, not especially known for her theological acumen, did not write those words in the context of your question. She was, however, an extremely confident and brave person. Her words capture an important biblical principle central to an answer to your question. That principle is that the fear of man (the controlling power of the opinion or actions of others) cannot be allowed to override your holy and awe invoking fear of God.

Psalm 27:1 asks rhetorically, “Whom shall I fear?” “The Lord is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?” All of Psalm 27 calls us back to that eternal perspective that frees us to be confident and courageous, with the hope of encouraging peace.

The prophet Isaiah, called to serve God as a covenant prosecutor bringing God’s charges and his condemnation against a people who had turned from him, issues the same call as Psalm 27 to people of enduring faith; those needing hope and encouragement as the faithful remnant who would survive God’s judgment: “Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you’” (Isaiah 35:4). Verse 51:7 also seems appropriate because you have God’s law in your heart: “Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults.”

One thing that we can certainly say of the Christian faith is that it is not a faith for the timid or cowardly; the Lord changes such people into confident warriors by placing in their hearts an awesome and rejoicing fear of God that dwarfs the fear of any man. You can be strong and courageous because you are “in Christ,” the spiritual reality of your faith given to you through grace, so that you can know for certain the source of all strength.

At the same time, however, God calls us to be wise. It is right for you to carefully examine the reasons why you are fearful of this confrontation. Is this person in a position of authority over you; are they socially more powerful? Is that other person known for anger, violence, or irrational behavior? By pinpointing exactly what you fear (loss of the relationship, tainting of your own reputation, your physical safety or the physical safety of others, etc.), you can make a decision that both honors God and displays wisdom.

For example, taking another person with you to fulfill Matthew 18:15 does not necessarily mean you have overlooked the requirement to go personally to the one who has sinned against you. Taking another person along for this first encounter not as a “witness” as used in the sense of Matthew 18:16 but for wisdom’s sake does not violate the spirit of the biblical process. We must remember that that process is designed to reclaim the one whose sin has hurt you and broken fellowship with you and with God.

(And a note from Tara … We must also remember that there are limits to what we can accomplish in the peacemaking process. Romans 12:18 states that, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” This means that we cannot “make peace.” All we can do, and all the Lord requires of us, is to do what is possible, so far as it depends on us. When teaching on this topic, I like to use a phrase that one of my blog readers gave me when I asked a similar question to yours:

“How far should I go in this peacemaking process? I want to be reconciled, to be sure. But I don’t want to be a reconciliation stalker.”

God will honor your efforts to boldly speak the truth in love and you never know how your courage to confront in love may be used by God to deeply affect others. But you never want to be a reconciliation stalker.)

Instead, remember what Ken Sande has so cogently stated in The Peacemaker: “Our only job is to be faithfully obedient; God’s job is to bring the result. Keeping those responsibilities separate and clearly before you will lead you to a right and God-honoring action, even if things get a little “messier” in the short-run.

Blessings to you—
Dave Edling & Tara Barthel

(This article was originally posted in 2011.)

Why Rookie Pastors Get Fired

An excellent read from David Murray:

Why Rookie Pastors Get Fired

I’m sure our dear friend, Ken Sande (over at RelationalWisdom360) would agree!

How to Preserve Your Pastor (Parts 6 and 7): Sharing Ministry…with Friends

For the past several weeks I have been posting articles that interact with Dr. Thom Rainer’s research titled The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors based on his interviews of twenty-plus pastors who had been in Christian ministry for at least 25 years and were over the age of 55. This week I finish the series by combining the final two “regrets” because, in my opinion, these last two are closely related. The two regrets (and their related quotes from pastors in Dr. Ranier’s article) are:

Failure to Share Ministry: “Let me shoot straight. I had two complexes. The first was the Superman complex. I felt like if ministry was going to be done well, I had to do it. I couldn’t ask or equip someone else to do it. My second complex was the conflict avoider complex. I was so afraid that I would get criticized if I didn’t visit Aunt Susie personally when she had an outpatient procedure that I ran myself ragged. In my second church I suffered burnout and ended up resigning.”

Failure to Make Friends: “I know it’s a cliché, but being a pastor can be lonely. I think many pastors get in trouble because we can get so lonely. I wish I had done a better job of seeking out true friends. I know if I had made the effort, there would have been a number of other pastors in town that I could have befriended.  Sometimes I got so busy doing ‘stuff’ that I didn’t have the time to do the things that really matter.”

These two “regrets” reveal a sad misunderstanding, in my opinion, of what ministry is and how the pastoral office is to be executed. I can best describe this by telling you a story of a pastor who successfully shared ministry with his friends. Those friends were the members of his church and he never lacked for an abundance of those eager to lighten his ministerial load and hang out with him whenever they could because they were his true and close friends.

Pastor Bob had the ability to cast an exciting vision for the work of Christ through the church. As the members of his church caught that vision they could not stay away from using their spiritual gifts in order to please God, Pastor Bob, each other, and themselves. They were a “team” in the truest sense of the word. And Pastor Bob was their player/coach. A player/coach is a unique position in the world of sports and any other endeavor. It requires personal talent and skill to make meaningful contributions to the team effort as a player and the wisdom and compassionate knowledge to help other team members contribute to the best of their ability consistent with each team member’s talents. Pastor Bob was a very persuasive guy but he always engaged people in a way that made them feel unique and special. He would help them understand what the meaning of 1 Corinthians chapter 12 really meant:

• There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit (verse 4).
• There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord (verse 5).
• There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men (verse 6).
• Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good (verse 7).
• The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ (verse 12).
• Now the body is not made up of one part but of many (verse 14).
• Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it (verse 27).

A pastor as a player/coach can, based on his belief and practice of what is highlighted from 1 Corinthians 12, both (1) recognize his personal gifts and use them appropriately as part of the team (but knows he is not “the team”), and (2) vision cast, recruit, equip, and unleash the team as a band of brothers (and sisters)… friends together in Christ enjoying their common pursuit of their common task. He knows and appreciates that he is just a small part of the team and he joyfully engages and brings others on to the team so that the total effort is a shared effort for the common purpose of being together as friends and comrades…members of Christ’s body doing the work of Christ on earth.

Failing to engage the members of the church as friends united in Christ’s agenda for shared ministry will ultimately result in these two pastoral “regrets” and the kinds of experiences expressed by the pastors quoted above. Pastor Bob’s experience was never a lack of those seeking to share neither ministry with him or a lack of friends because he had the vision to have fun with his many friends as they undertook something bigger than any one of them could accomplish alone. Vision casting does that. If ministry can be accomplished alone it lacks biblical value; if it is not fun it misses biblical perspective. Ministry is to be a joy, not a burden. Ministry only becomes a burden when done to achieve something less than God’s glory and what is inherently joyful because it is inherently eternally worthy.

I hope it is becoming clear why these two “regrets” are closely tied together. If not, let me try to make it a bit more evident. Both of these “failures” are grounded, in my opinion, in the same root cause: Failure to Exercise Faith! That “regret” was Part 3 of this series. That article spoke mostly of the need for us all to “see” the reality of the “unseen” as being more vivid and real than what is “seen.” Pastoral failure (and consequently “regret”) is revealed when one lacks the faith that God does indeed pour out his spiritual gifts on all men of faith (1 Corinthians 12:7), and to lack the trust that God indeed “sets the lonely in families, leading forth the prisoners with singing…” (Psalm 68:6). But it is more than merely pastoral failure; it is also our failure. Each one of us must deeply believe that we have received and must use that special spiritual gift to build the body. Each one of us must believe we are part of both the visible body, the local church, and the invisible body, the eternal true church that extends forever.

Ministry rightly done is team ministry done together with the pastor and all of the members of the local church. It is also ministry done with a joy that only can come from the perspective that what we are about is larger than what any one of us could ever hope to accomplish alone. Yes, we are pilgrims as “aliens and strangers on earth” (Hebrews 11:13-16), but we are not pilgrims alone as we happily pursue our journey and quest. By faith we can share our pastor’s ministry and be his friend and he ours.

As church conflict consultants, Tara and I have an interest in this discussion for really one principled reason: to equip the church in its goal of unity. And that is the promise we have from our God as we seek shared ministry as friends together. Within the text of 1 Corinthians chapter 12 we find these unifying words:

But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it (verses 24 through 26).

When you read that passage are you including your pastor as one of the body? Pastor, are you including yourself along with every member? Faith requires us all to answer with a resounding “Yes!” May it be true so we no longer have pastoral “regrets” as a topic worthy of discussion.

In the Lamb,
Dave Edling